Well, as everyone probably knows from my recent blogs, status', bulletins, demeanor, etc. I've been having a VERY rough time lately. I've been feeling very down, and feeling far from God. I've been pressing on, but it's been hard.
Well, last night at bible study Pastor Cleetus prayed, and asked us to pray with him, for visions, dreams, and visitations. I prayed for this of course, and I was pretty doubtful that I would ever get to see it. Not doubtful that God can do it, just that I'd be the one He'd do it for. Pastor kept having us pray because he felt like people were doubting, haha. So I kept praying. Well, anyway, after that I sat there for a while and thought about what I'd do if I ever saw anything like that, and how if an angel visited me, or Jesus Himself for that matter, I'd never walk away from God and it'd be so easy to believe. Eventually I got up and went about my normal business.
Anyway, after the typical trip to Rosa's, around 11 pm some of us (Anthony, Terisa, Ryan, Aaron, Nicole, Brandon, and I) decided to take a little trip to Prayer Mountain in Dallas mostly because they've been wanting to see it. Already having been once before, and loved it, I agreed to go, eagerly.
Once we got there, we walked around a bit and explored and I took some pictures. We stumbled upon a group of twenty-somethings drinking, and Anthony stayed to evangelize, while Aaron, Ryan and I walked off. We went and stood on the deck overlooking the city and just chilled. Finally everyone else came over, and Nicole said, "If you look at the sky long enough, you'll see a shooting star." Interested, I craned my neck upward and stared at the sky for a while. Aaron had laid down on the deck as this point and was watching for one too. The position I was in, standing with my neck awkwardly craned upward, got uncomfortable after a few minutes and everyone was getting ready to go and walking off, except Aaron and I. Loosing heart I step back and yell at the top of my lungs, "I WANT TO SEE ONE SHOOTING STAR, LORD! JUST ONE! Please.." And I stared at the sky for a few minutes, sad because I would probably not see what I wanted, and bummed because I'd walk away with another reason to doubt...
When all of a sudden the tiniest, quickest shooting star shoots right across the little patch of sky my eyes were trained on, not to the side, or out of the corner of my eye, no, it was perfectly mid-view, and JUST quick enough for me to catch. I shout, Aaron jumps up and yells, "OH MY GOSH!", and I start to laugh, then grab my head and say, "I'm going to cry.." And I walk off the deck, utterly freaking out all over and I can't stand under the weight of the Holy Spirit, so I fall to my knee's and weep. I weep harder than I have in a while. I weep because I ever doubted God. But then I laugh. I laugh as hard as I have in a while. I laugh because God did that for me! Just for me! Then I go back to crying, and I repeat this strange jump from laughing to crying to laughing several times until I'm finally on my face. Then I roll onto my back and laugh one long, last time. In the midst of this crazy Holy Spirit moment, everyone walks over and I can hear them talking to Aaron. Someone asks, "What's wrong with Katie?" And he explains what we saw, and everyone's blown away. Aaron's like, "God answered Katie's prayer!" I'm just thinking, "You have no idea!" At this point, no one can tell whether I'm laughing or crying, and I truly can't either.
After everyone walks off again, I sit up and move back over to the deck. I'm sitting there alone, and I start bawling again. I'm thinking about how this proves God is real. And how if God is real then what Jesus did for me is real too. This breaks my heart even more and I just cry. Finally they come back over and we all hang around for a bit and talk about what happened. Anthony's like, "Aaron's your witness that this is legit." And Aaron's talking about how, "After you shouted, I said in my head 'send a shooting star, Lord' and the next thing I know I see one." And I'm just sitting there, not wanting to ever leave that spot, and just taking it all in.
Finally, we decide to head out, and I leave with the knowledge that after that moment nothing can ever be the same in my life. And I realize that if it does stay the same that I might as well walk away from God, especially after seeing something to that caliber.
It wasn't a dream. It wasn't a vision. And it wasn't an angelic visitation. But it was exactly what I needed after a month of begging God to make this all real to me. I count it a form of visitation. It was definitely a sign/wonder. The Lord reached through the folds of time and space just to show me He loved me. He manifested His power just for me that night. Just to think that thousands of years ago, He saw this moment, and set that star up to shoot by in that exact spot I was looking at the exact right time, and not a minute before or after.
Praise Him.
Wow.
Sorry if this is a rough blog.
I'm exhausted.
=]
-Katie
Well, last night at bible study Pastor Cleetus prayed, and asked us to pray with him, for visions, dreams, and visitations. I prayed for this of course, and I was pretty doubtful that I would ever get to see it. Not doubtful that God can do it, just that I'd be the one He'd do it for. Pastor kept having us pray because he felt like people were doubting, haha. So I kept praying. Well, anyway, after that I sat there for a while and thought about what I'd do if I ever saw anything like that, and how if an angel visited me, or Jesus Himself for that matter, I'd never walk away from God and it'd be so easy to believe. Eventually I got up and went about my normal business.
Anyway, after the typical trip to Rosa's, around 11 pm some of us (Anthony, Terisa, Ryan, Aaron, Nicole, Brandon, and I) decided to take a little trip to Prayer Mountain in Dallas mostly because they've been wanting to see it. Already having been once before, and loved it, I agreed to go, eagerly.
Once we got there, we walked around a bit and explored and I took some pictures. We stumbled upon a group of twenty-somethings drinking, and Anthony stayed to evangelize, while Aaron, Ryan and I walked off. We went and stood on the deck overlooking the city and just chilled. Finally everyone else came over, and Nicole said, "If you look at the sky long enough, you'll see a shooting star." Interested, I craned my neck upward and stared at the sky for a while. Aaron had laid down on the deck as this point and was watching for one too. The position I was in, standing with my neck awkwardly craned upward, got uncomfortable after a few minutes and everyone was getting ready to go and walking off, except Aaron and I. Loosing heart I step back and yell at the top of my lungs, "I WANT TO SEE ONE SHOOTING STAR, LORD! JUST ONE! Please.." And I stared at the sky for a few minutes, sad because I would probably not see what I wanted, and bummed because I'd walk away with another reason to doubt...
When all of a sudden the tiniest, quickest shooting star shoots right across the little patch of sky my eyes were trained on, not to the side, or out of the corner of my eye, no, it was perfectly mid-view, and JUST quick enough for me to catch. I shout, Aaron jumps up and yells, "OH MY GOSH!", and I start to laugh, then grab my head and say, "I'm going to cry.." And I walk off the deck, utterly freaking out all over and I can't stand under the weight of the Holy Spirit, so I fall to my knee's and weep. I weep harder than I have in a while. I weep because I ever doubted God. But then I laugh. I laugh as hard as I have in a while. I laugh because God did that for me! Just for me! Then I go back to crying, and I repeat this strange jump from laughing to crying to laughing several times until I'm finally on my face. Then I roll onto my back and laugh one long, last time. In the midst of this crazy Holy Spirit moment, everyone walks over and I can hear them talking to Aaron. Someone asks, "What's wrong with Katie?" And he explains what we saw, and everyone's blown away. Aaron's like, "God answered Katie's prayer!" I'm just thinking, "You have no idea!" At this point, no one can tell whether I'm laughing or crying, and I truly can't either.
After everyone walks off again, I sit up and move back over to the deck. I'm sitting there alone, and I start bawling again. I'm thinking about how this proves God is real. And how if God is real then what Jesus did for me is real too. This breaks my heart even more and I just cry. Finally they come back over and we all hang around for a bit and talk about what happened. Anthony's like, "Aaron's your witness that this is legit." And Aaron's talking about how, "After you shouted, I said in my head 'send a shooting star, Lord' and the next thing I know I see one." And I'm just sitting there, not wanting to ever leave that spot, and just taking it all in.
Finally, we decide to head out, and I leave with the knowledge that after that moment nothing can ever be the same in my life. And I realize that if it does stay the same that I might as well walk away from God, especially after seeing something to that caliber.
It wasn't a dream. It wasn't a vision. And it wasn't an angelic visitation. But it was exactly what I needed after a month of begging God to make this all real to me. I count it a form of visitation. It was definitely a sign/wonder. The Lord reached through the folds of time and space just to show me He loved me. He manifested His power just for me that night. Just to think that thousands of years ago, He saw this moment, and set that star up to shoot by in that exact spot I was looking at the exact right time, and not a minute before or after.
Praise Him.
Wow.
Sorry if this is a rough blog.
I'm exhausted.
=]
-Katie
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